Let’s talk about Love, Dating and Marriage in Islam. The phrase “Falling in love” symbolizes one’s lost of control over their emotions, future and life in general.
And in most cases the sole goal of this love is to seal it in a knot of matrimony.
Alas! Sometimes this love of a thing is confused with lust, and people end up being together for the wrong reasons. When in lust, a person only thinks of themselves and how they are going to attain that goal of theirs. But when one is in genuine love, they learn the art of self-sacrifice, and it comes naturally for a person truly in love.
But then, even with real love issues do come up, bad things do happen, divorces do occur, people sometimes wonder where that ‘passionate love’ fled off to, along the path of their journey. Something meant to last forever turning sour here and there, some people get spooked and keep holding off getting married because they are afraid of what to get into or who to get hooked up with.
Now, the Qur’an warns that if we seek a pure and chaste mate for marriage then we should be pure and chaste ourselves. “Women impure are for men impure and men impure are for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity”
Q: 24 verse 26.
Therefore, if you want a pure and chaste spouse, then you have to work on yourself first before you embark on that search.

THE IDEAL SPOUSE
Abu Huraira RA reported that the Prophet SAW said “When You are sought in marriage by one with whom you are pleased with him for his religion and for his character then get yourself married to him (Tirmidhi)
I want us to note here that nothing of the material world is mentioned in this hadith. Where are you when believing women are getting high places with Allah SWT because they have taken their mahr (islamic dowry) as simple as learning a chapter from the Qur’an?
It’s not about someone who will give you a grand wedding or who will hire maids for you. Of course if you get those in addition to a man of good character it is a welcome idea, but don’t focus on that only, reflect!
That long list of your criteria for the ideal man? Compare it to this Hadith anything off point? Stroke it out of the list and you are set to go in sha Allah.

NIKAAH

So now you have worked on yourself and you want to start the journey, first of all you need to know what marriage is in Islaam.
Nikaah : definition – (linguistic) “Sexual intercourse and also marriage contract. (Legal def) “a contract entailing permissibility of physical enjoyment.” Why Nikaah?
There are many benefits of marriage, some of which are:
-Complying with Allah’s command.
-Following the sunnah of the prophet SAW and the line of conduct adopted by the messengers before him.
-Assuaging one’s lust and lowering one’s gaze.
-Preserving mankind through procreation.
-Children will be brought up by a father and mother
-​Comfort and mercy: By enjoying the affection, love and mercy Allah puts between spouses.
-​Increase in Eeman
-​Fulfills the desire of umma to increase in number
-​Strengthening the bond of kinship, through marriage a person’s lineage wouldn’t be confused.
– Obtaining rewards by having legal intercourse.
-​Preventing Zina from becoming abundant in the society.

The ruling of marriage in the Shari”ah
It is recommended (Sunnah) according to most scholars and it can change state according to individuals.
1. It becomes waajib, dole, obligatory upon you when a person fears fitnah of zina for himself.
2. Recommended (sunnah) if one can afford it, that is accommodation, feeding, clothing protecting each other’s honor etc.
3. Disliked (makruh) if a person FEARS that they cannot physically satisfy his/her partner. That is if they cannot fulfill obligations of partner.
4. Forbidden: a. if a person knows with certainty that he/she cannot fulfill the physical needs of their partner unless otherwise agreed by the partner.
b. If there is a legal reason that nullifies the permissibility of the marriage like them being foster or blood relatives.
c. Cannot fulfill certain marital obligations to partner like feeding clothing etc in case of men. Then it is prohibited for him to get married.
Hence it is a very serious offense to deny your partner their rights to physical fulfillment either wife or husband.

CHOOSING A WIFE
When choosing a wife the prophet SAW advised men to look for
-Righteous that is religious.
-Beautiful (attractive to him)
-Fertile
-of good lineage
-Good with Children
-Sensible with wealth and money
-Virgin*
*However it is better to marry someone who is previously married if 1. She possesses righteousness
2. You are in need of elder woman to look after sisters, young children in your care etc.
She does not have anyone to look after her of take care of her because Annabi SAW yace mana jihaadi ne yin sintiri akan bazawara ma’ana daukar dawainiyarta da sauransu. So marrying her is also like a jihaad. Men take note ☺

-To be obedient and trustworthy
​To be kind and affectionate.

To be continued…

Azizah Idris

photo credit: Musa A Bello

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