CHOOSING A HUSBAND
-A man of righteous character and a religion.
-To know at least some part of the Qur’an
-To have the ability to get married in respect to intercourse as well as the expenses of marriage and that of living after it.
To be gentle with women (Yes, ladies you will know from the onset if he wouldn’t be the gentle type, there is a room for slip-offs take note. It should be frequent though not the ones done out of mistake.)
To be attractive to his woman. (Yes, women too like good stuff, be presentable and smell good. She has to see of he looks good too, good as per her definition of who a good looking man is.) So that she may not feel disgust for him.
To be potent, so that the wife may conceive and have children, and this is one of the major objectives of marriage.
BACK TO BASICS
Imam Al Ghazali in his book ihyaa’ ulum ad-din book 12 Adabu al-Nikah stated what to look at in a person before making them your spouse as it came in the Qur’an and sunnah.
Now, you will say what brought us back to the pre-wedding part? I say everything, because in this part we are trying to see the reason why we fall in love in the first place.
What drew you to each other?
Was it love after marriage or before marriage?
Was it her smile? Her melodious recitation? Was it her bickering or her intellect? was it the tilt of her head when she was shy.
Was it his voice? His hayaa? His introvert nature? His being straightforward? What made you fall in love with your spouse? Have you thought of it? Good!
How do you feel now? Are you smiling? 😀😀😉
Did your heartbeat accelerate? Then congratulations you are still very much in love.
What, you feel nothing? Don’t worry you will get there soon in sha Allah.
Now back to Imaam’s book:
When you are getting married to someone this should be your criteria list.
2. Good character
4. Moderate dowry
6. Youth (virginity)
7. Good lineage
8. Absence of close kinship (We will talk about the people that are unmarriageable to us.)
If you get married to a woman who has no care for her religion zaka sha kunya. Because she will humiliate you in so many accounts because of her lack of virtue and deen 😱 She wouldn’t mind rubbing it in your face every now and then the favour she has done upon you.
She will trouble your heart with jealous feelings as she will behave anyhow with your friends and other people of the opposite sex.
And the moment you become indignant and jealous you will start suffering from trials and tribulations and eventually you will be seen as a man that lack pride and dignity.
Irinsu ne ake kira matan kaddara, matan alakakai you will still like to be with her even though she makes life miserable for you.
If you are married to a woman that is so corrupt in her deen as to waste your property or to cause constant trouble in your life and you make no complaint then you are an accomplice in her sin.
…Are you the one that let your wife raise your kids with the western ideology? Reflect! Allah will ask you of your amanah. You don’t care if your children know how to perform ablution… talk more of praying, you don’t care if your children are locked up in their rooms watching filthy materials on their handheld devices. You don’t care if someone comes to your daughter and feel her up at night in the name of ‘zance’ or if she is having sex chats and nude calls in her room with the data you’ve subscribed to her.
Your lack of religion and that of the woman you chose to marry as the mother of your children has something, if not all to do with this because you want to give them “freedom”.
Yes, it is good to be lenient with our kids sometimes but not always and don’t make them fear you, let them know it is not you that will vex if they did something bad, it is Allah and He sees them in the deepest darkest room. When they grow up with the feeling that you trust them enough to be good on their own, with Allah guiding them, they won’t do something behind your back because they KNOW He is watching them. you have successfully instilled khushu’ in their minds. But that is another topic for another day.
Back to Nikaah. So, a woman that has no virtue or good religious background won’t do good things for your children to emulate, you have to be careful when it comes to this criterion. Now let’s not forget that looks can be deceiving…
“A woman may be married for her fortune her beauty, her lineage, or her religion. You must choose the religious one or live to regret it!”
One who marries for wealth and beauty will be deprived of that wealth and beauty but one who marries her for her religion Allah SWT will bestow her wealth and beauty too.
Do not marry her for her beauty only for it be the ruin of her, nor for her wealth for her wealth may make her cruel! Marry a woman for her religion”
Now the wisdom behind this is that a religious woman will not distract her husband from worshiping Allah instead she will encourage him to do more.
2. Good character: now kowa ya sani ba sai na fada ba idan matarka bata da da’a ka kade har ganye!
She will be impudent, foul mouthed and will always be ungrateful for all your kindness towards her .
In fact, she will do you more harm than good. She will be the end of you!
I’ll like us to stop here for now, we shall meet next in the episode where we are going to find out what type of people should we or shouldn’t we get married to.
Ma’assalam, until then have a great time.