There are two types of conditions relating to marriage, in which the bride or the future husband can stipulate during courtship.
The valid conditions and the invalid conditions.
The Valid conditions.
1. A woman has the right to choose where she wants to live. She can decide to stay in her hometown and say that is her condition before she gets married to you, may be she works there, or has a business, or her parents or kids from another marriage.
2. She has the right to stipulate a condition that after marrying her you cannot take another wife. Of course it is up to you to agree or disagree, but in the event that you agree to this condition, she has the right to seek for divorce when you overstep the condition.
3. A woman has the right to tell her future husband she doesn’t want to be seperated from her parents or her children.
These conditions must be fulfilled by the husband if he is informed before the marriage contract, if he fails the woman has the right to invalidate the marriage.
4. She has the right to ask for large dowry or the currency she wants it to be from. If you consent good, if not then it is left to her if she still wants to get married to the man.
The Invalid conditions that invalidate the marriage.
1. Temporary marriage. Marriage based on a future condition, this marriage is invalid. Or I will marry you to her if her mother consents. Or if you will divorce her tomorrow. etc
2. Marriage of exchange, a man takes a wife whose father he gave his daughter in exchange for her with no dowry. (Shigaar)
3. Muhallil, getting married to another man just so that she becomes halaal to her former husband.
The invalid conditions that do not nullify the marriage.
1. If the conditions violate the woman’s rights but the marriage still remains valid. For example, I will marry you but you will have lesser days with me than my other wives. The condition is invalid but the marriage is still intact.
Or giving a woman no dowry, the woman has the right to seek for seperation or justice but him setting the conditions does not invalidate the marriage.
If a man seeks a woman of noble character or a virgin or a pretty woman then later finds out that that is not the case with her, he can release her or choose to live with her like that.
Proposal linguistically means man seeking for a woman’s hand in marriage
legally it means a man offering marriage proposal to a woman or her family.
First of all when you see someone or hear about someone before you propose to her/him you need to perform the two raka’ah of istikhara.
Then in some places the man himself can ask permission to see a woman by himself from her father or guardian but some consider this as being insolent (in some cultures) so you can delegate someone to do this part for you. This is really important before you start seeing the woman because by doing this you rule out her being proposed to someone else before you (if she is bethroted to someone already it means she is forbidden to you.)
Then check for permissibility a woman can be prohibited by blood relations, marriage relations, foster relations and if someone had already proposed to her in no way is she permissible to you until that brother withdraws.
So there is temporary and permanent impermissibility.
For temporary when the state or condition is no longer there like marriage or other proposal then it is permissible for you to propose.
for blood relations, no daughters, sisters, mothers, and their direct decendants, meaning, no marrying sister’s grand daughter, or grand mothers, then the aunts are prohibited too.
But cousins are allowed, the desendants of cousins are allowed too, that is their daughters, their grand daughters etc.
It is recommended to look at the prospective spouse, because the Prophet SAW said “Go and look at her for that is more likely to create love between you two.” -Tirmidhi.
So the prophet SAW said LOOK not touch contrary to what the youths have established today, some will even go to the extent of saying there is no spark between us when we hug 😱😳😳 hug ni? Zaku san spark kuka gamu da walakiri. Astaghfurullah, may Allah forgive our shortcomings but really we need to wake up.
Go with a clear intention, go with the purpose of getting married, meet with a chaperone present and do not touch each other.
There is no dating in islaam if you are doing that know that your marriage won’t be blessed you are imitating the kuffar and there is no sugar coating it.
No dates, no clubs, no going to brothers’, friends, mothers’ friends’ house alone together.
Yes you can seek to see the lady but in her parent’s house, in the presence of people, with no seclusion whatsoever.
When you two meet a girl/boy of reasonable age or an adult should be your chaperon because you never know.
In islaam there is no proposal with rings etc nor is there any specific dua made during proposal, if you give ring you are imitating the kuffar. Gemu yaga gemu kawai malam. 😂
ISLAAM AND DATING
I am diverting this from the proposal part because it is an item in itself that needs to be addressed.
The society today gives us things that many people engage in, now even though everyone does it that doesn’t make it right. There is NO DATING IN ISLAM.
Now when you meet someone you are interested in, the first step is not to seek them out and take them out on a date, by date i mean lunches, dinner, roses, picnics etc. yes they are now common practices amongst muslim couples.
When you want blessings in your marriage then you need to stay away from these, because doing things the proper way is the only way that will give you that ultimate marriage goals you are aiming at.
Does that mean that if you are engaged in going on dates you are doomed? no you can change that by doing things right, follow the proper channels meet her family and do things the way they are supposed to be.
Most atimes people are afraid of what ifs… What if after I introduce him to my family I find out that we are not compatible? What if his family are not okay with me? What if I find out that I dont like him in the near future? And several what ifs, now not dating will save you from alot of these heartaches because 1. You are not emotionally invested and too attached to this person you like. 2. You won’t waste time prolonging the getting to know each other part.
Trust me any married person will tell you that you don’t really get to know your spouse till you are married to them and you are living together. Ha! Now, that’s getting to know each other.
Don’t mix these up, it is very important you know your suitor’s goals before marriage, know the kind of person they are, what they deem important, what they can’t do with because we don’t want any surprises after the Nikaah.
But dating is a door to fitnah and when involved in it you will only be blinded by emotions and sweet nothings, whereas marriage is a rational thing. You make rational decisions when getting married.
Yes you can go and see a girl you are interested in, you talk about sensible issues (not in seclusion: our emotions can be funny when we are secluded, don’t think you are an alaramma or yaa sheikha, shaytaan is the slyest being ever in existence. Be wary.) not asking what her fave color or food is, but talking about defining decisions that will show you how compatible you are to each other. Limit the number of LONG PHONE calls you make because you don’t want to exhaust and drain all the sweet moments before marriage.
You need to see if you are compatible in the outlook on life, that is your lifestyles. If he is ajebota, and you are Baba Lami, you should both know what you are walking into and what you are willing to compromise.
You can’t compromise in religiousness, you have to be compatible, in solvency, in your profession. Mostly when lower class and upper class mingles there are a lot of hitches, I am not saying that it isn’t workable, but know that you are going to meet some challenges.
Just make sure that whatever their manners, behaviours, intellect, rationals, lifestyles you are willing to see them, wake up with them, raise your kids with them everyday for the rest of your loooong life.
yeah, that is scary I know, but you have to be that sure.
Now some people will say if I introduce myself from the very beginning the girl’s family will expect a commitment, or I’m not yet ready for marriage but iIdon’t want to lose her. You can still court a girl and still avoid the haraam relationship. The key is go with a purpose, the marrital purpose. Not kama tasha, not having fun, not plugging the socket. Nah! Strictly marriage.
Talk to the parents and let them truthfully know your stand with their daughter it is not a proposal per se but it is an introduction. Whenever you feel the need to meet make sure that you don’t meet in a secluded place.
Broach the topic of marriage to your parents subtly, because some parents can be very difficult, but now you don’t want to mess your beautiful relationship with them in the process of forming a new bond, make them understand that so and so makes you happy. They want you to be happy too.
In a case when they don’t quite give in bring in their close friends or relatives make them understand that they are helping in joining that which is Halaal.
Hopefully they give in and no time is wasted further but if they don’t and you know your intended is worth it then you can take the matter further to known scholars or people responsible for such things in your area and they have the power to get you married. Just know that they should be worth it because no one wants something better for you more than your parents and you want to part with them in harmony.
Now you are satisfied with the person’s character and you know deep down sixty years from now when you wake up you are going to smile next to their lovely faces then you go ahead and propose, set a date and do all the necessary things involved. Islamically there is no any ritual involved in this, but if your tradition calls for it, and it does not defy the shari’a then go ahead and do it. Just make sure there is no any funny business like rings exchange and other haraam celebrations.
Now onto the marriage part…
We shall meet next in sha Allah, and I have exciting things to share with you all.
By: Azizah Idris (Umm Yasmeen)