Divorce, a powerful word.
The most hateful halaal in the sight of Allah.
The most overused word in today’s world
Yes it is halaal and yes it is hateful in the sight of Allah for reasons known and unknown to us.
But do we stop and ponder over the ethics involved in this word?
Do we know its meaning?
Do we know the types of divorce?
What are the rulings governing divorce?
Is there a haraam divorce and a halaal one?
If people engage in haraam divorce what is the ruling on their marriage?
All these are things we supposed to know after having known about marriage. They go hand in hand, because many people are now living in a haraam relationships calling themselves married not knowing that they are divorced either due to ignorance of the topic or out of selfish interests.
Others get married again not knowing that their previous marriages were not nullified. So it becomes living with another man while still married to another😱. Imagine then the kind of kids that are being brought to the world; only a mother knows the true father of her children and only you know whether you are truthfully married to your spouse or living in a haraam relationship.
How will you know if you don’t educate yourself with the topic as a whole?
In a normal sense of the word; if I hear the word divorce or the news of separation between husband and wife I become so emotional and livid.
It is never a good thing, you can’t say you are jubilating when divorcing your wife, there is that melancholy, that little pang of separation that touches the heart unless if the woman tried to murder you or something like that. 😱
(Allah forbid) In some cases congratulatory messages are sent to the woman when her tormenting husband divorces her; but if you ask deep down within her she is not happy. She might be relieved but the sadness, the void will still be there.
So today I am going to touch an aspect of divorce that most men are neglectful of; before we come back to all the basics, you will see why we are going in reverse.
Circumstances of Divorce.
1. Divorcing a Woman when she is pregnant.
2. Divorcing a woman when she is in purity after her menstrual period without without having intimacy with her days before the period.
Now let’s expatiate on these points.
1. Divorcing a Woman when she is pregnant.
Just like there are vile men there are evil women; those who would share a title with the human iblees, the ones that would provoke you no matter how patient you are.
The hikma behind this reason for divorce is no matter how evil the woman is, if she is pregnant you will be compassionate towards her. You will be thinking of what her condition and your would-be child will be like if she leaves your house.
But if despite all this you feel the need to divorce her then the divorce must be really of solid grounds for you not to consider your unborn child’s future. In this case when a man divorces his wife it is acceptable in islaam.
The second reason is the wife might be under going certain changes in her, she might be sick and all, the flare of hormones she might be too demanding, on normal circumstances you bear with her but even after seeing that fragile state of hers you don’t feel the love, that compassion for her then you are better off divorced in some cases.
2. Now moving back to the second circumstances of halaal divorce.
MEN GIVE YOUR ATTENTION HERE PLEASE.
You cannot divorce your wife after having intimacy with her on the same day or the previous day or even the day after.
Here is the pattern
Intimacy day 1
Abstinance days 2,3, 4, 5
Period days 6-13
Then Dalaaq can happen after day 14.
The logic behind this?
It might be that you are outraged or mildly angered by your wife and you felt the need to send her packing, but then you were so angry that you might do things you would regret later.
As a believing muslim the Qur’an and Sunnah is our way of life. Then You remember suratul dalaaq Allah SWT instructed you that when you are divorcing your wife divorce her at a specified period (during a period of purity)
Then you withhold your anger and you don’t divorce her then,
The next day you might not talk to her you might be fuming but then you will realize maybe you overreacted you will just fashi her and let her steam to learn her lesson.
Day 4 you might realize” but i don’t hate her so much to send her packing”
Day 5 she would serve you one correct ewedu or miyar kuka and you will feel like what would I do without this meal? (subsequently without her.)
Day 6 when she perfumes herself and placed her ture kaga tsiya dauri you will think “ah no one like her.”
But then you can’t go to her because she was already having her period!
Before her period ends you will rack your brain trying to figure out what was the reason you were considering a divorce before?
Then Umma calls you thanking you for the good stuff you sent her; showering you with blessings not knowing that it was your wife that sent the goodies not you. Now you are in love all over again.
This is of course if the reason was negligible like forgetting to fleet the room or not finishing the food on time. Or keeping the wrong thing in the wrong place.
There are certain serious issues like adultery and all those i don’t think a man will bear to have that much long patience but some men’s power of restrain is too solid they can sail through that too. Just like we see with the women.
The whole point of waiting is so you may cool down and think with a rational brain.
And her having her period would indicate that she was not pregnant. If she didn’t then the pregnancy might cool you off and make you change your mind.
You see all these are Allah’s Hikma to make us stay married.
But even if after following these steps you still feel the same then some marriages are better severed than to keep getting hurt physically, spiritually or emotionally.
These two circumstances are the halaal ones for divorce to take place.
But of course even after divorce you can make sulhu as long as it is a revocable divorce.
If not then send them away with kindness and respect. And they should observe their iddah in your house. Her feeding still lies in your hands.
The women should beware of going away in fury that is not islam. Islaam teaches us to stay for iddah after a revocable divorce, unless if there is moral conduct at stake the husband might decide to take her home to her parents.
Now we will move on to the Haraam circumstances of divorce in sha Allah.
Haraam circumstances for Divorce.
We have seen the circumstances in which Allah has shown us in the book when it comes to divorce.
These are now the circumstances to avoid absolutely:
1. During her monthly period.
2. In purity but when intimacy has occurred. Clean period has to be over after menses with no intimacy
3. Haraam to divorce more than once at a go.
Most men are ignorant of these points,
When they get angry or ticked the next thing out of their mouths is “You’re divorced.” Or na sake ki. Some would go to the extent of uttering it twice or thrice which is haraam no matter how many times you utter a divorce even if it is a thousand times in one go it is considered one dalaaq.
YOU CANNOT DIVORCE YOUR WIVES MORE THAN ONCE AT ONE SITTING.
You have to let it be, maybe after one month of the previous dalaaq and the reason for the dalaaq was back again after you’ve revoked the first dalaaq, then on a second occasion you can divorce her again.
But that will be only during her purity state with no intimacy between you.
As i explained earlier, you only divorce your wife during the 22- day purity state if she has her menses for 6 days.
She finished her period yesterday, and today is Day one you have intimacy with her then the next day she did something really awful or you have this massive argument and you are insulting each other and what not, you must not divorce her because you have touched her now you wouldn’t know if she has conceived from your recent intimate moments.
The logic is to wait till day 2-day 22 when she is still pure and on day 23 her menses is back she finishes after 6 days then you have no intimacy with her you can now divorce her.
But anything(divorce) done out of that scope is HARAAM
You can’t divorce when she is having her monthly period. You can’t divorce her when she is in her purity but you have shared an intimacy with her.
Only after another period can you be certain that she is not pregnant.
Then there is the case of divorcing someone’s wife in rage.
When one is so angry that he forgot the way to his room or crash things that he normally wouldN’t crash or do something out of the ordinary then your wife comes …to console you and you say to her ” ki tafi gidanku kema na sake ki”
Only when he is calm he will be asking people where is so and so?
They will respond to you that you have divorced her. In such a situation the divorce is not valid.
But may Allah distance you from such maddening rage.
Another thing of conflicting issue is when the above situations are in place and the divorce still takes place what is the validity of the divorce?
Some scholars are of the opinion of the divorce has occurred they are the majority.
But then a more scholarly reason made some scholars such as ibn Uthaymeen, Ibn Baaz, Ibn Qayyim rahimahumullah say the divorce is not valid if it happens in the haraam period.
Because of the clear evidence given by Allah SWT directly that a woman should be divorced when she is in the state of purity and not having the post partum (nifaas) or menses and in the period of purity in which the husband has not had intercourse with her.
This is according to the sharee’ah and if a husband divorces his wife when she is having the two bloods or in a state of purity but he had intercourse with her then his divorce is a bidi’ah it is not valid they are still married, according to the two scholarly of thoughts.
Backed up by the verse in surah Dalaaq
“O prophet! When you divorce women, divorce them at their iddah (prescribed period) and count accurately their iddah.”
It should be after a cleansing period or when she is pregnant.
Anything outside of these is rejected. Let’s reflect and seek knowledge how many men are now married to still married women? 😱😱😱😔 you should get educated before you get married, you should seek knowledge and broad explantions of things even after marriage. Always ask questions. Someone may say he doesn’t know i was having my period when he divorced me either due to change of cycle or such. You just tell him you were having your period then and the divorce has not taken place if he wishes to take you back falillahil hamdu. If not then you should stay and perform your iddah if it is a revocable divorce. When next we meet in sha Allah we are going to see the categories of divorce and also talk expansively about ‘iddah ( The waiting period)
Allah knows Best